Happy Birthday : I Lost The Battle

I lost the battle. Nothing is left. It's over and done. Very clear. I tried to be strong and try to forget him. Thanks so much to my two younger sisters who are willing to tell me the truth. Even its really hurt me so bad. You dont know how I feel. Because you are not in my shoes.

All this time we are very close, even we are so far. The distance its not the major problem for us, but in a few months, around 3 months to be exact, something popped out. It's like a bomb. You never know what will happen in the future.

Although I told myself to accept all the possibilities that might happen, but it still made me shocked. I tried to figure out what and where it wrong, either from me or someone else? But I failed. Failed. I have tried. I really have tried.

And Im not crying. First I had remind myself if anything happen, dont cry. Because it looks stupid. Cry over the particular thing. And I did it. Eventhough my heart broke into pieces, but not the single tear come out. I dont want pampered myself for crying over such thing. There are to many things to do than to cry. Things will not change.

Second, what will I get if I keep crying? Because every single thing happened for a reason. I might not know the reason for now, but if ALLAH wants show the truth, HE will. And at that time, HE might send me the better, the perfect, and the one for me. * THANK YOU SO MUCH TO JIJI BECAUSE REMIND ME THAT *. I almost forget about it. <3 you.

Im tired of thinking why is he chooses that girl. O ALLAH please show me the truth. If he's the one for me Im very thankful to you. But if he not the one for me, please help me to face this hard time. I wish our relationship will not end like that even we are not mean to be together.

Today is his birthday. But I will wish him around 730AM-800AM later. This is because he is not here. So its depend the time over there.

For my Mommy and Daddy. I will explain them later. What left now is memory. Hope the memory will last forever in his heart. Thank you so much for coming into my life. Thanks for the great and also the bad times that we shared. Just go on with your own way and I will go with mine. If one day you are lost, got no where to run, I'm always here. To help you as your emergency exit.

You are always in my heart and my pray. I hope our bond is still strong, eventhough we are in the different situation now. THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING.